Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Sydney And Leukemia

One Saturday afternoon Sydney was in the bathtub.  She loved bath time like most 2 year olds do.  She would put every toy she could find in the tub-it became some sort of ritual.  Afterwards she would spend hours in there and I would sit outside the bathroom with the door open, and listen to all of her adventures with the "Little Mermaid","Flounder",and of course the "Rugrats".  After a while she'd holler out,"Mommy, I need more bubbles, Flounder needs air!  He can't breath without the bubbles, Mommy". So I would go in and turn on the warm water and start splashing it all around. Sydney would say "  Yay Mommy now its a jubuzzi!! (jacuzzi). I laughed and said "Oh yea...How do you know about a jacuzzi?" She replied "Oh my daddy has a jubuzzi cept its for big people Not the little girls like me." So I said, "Oh wow that's nice!" Noticing that the bubbles were somehow infused with hair...

"Mommy lets wash my hair and make it look like Ariel's!"  I said "Well if you want hair like Ariel's you'll have to live in the bathtub FOREVER...Sydney interrupted "Because shes a mermaid ? " Yep" I said beginning to wash her hair. I put the shampoo in and began to lather her hair.  It was very thick and usually needed two washes, but this time something didn't feel right! It felt really loose and thin. I turned on the water and begin to rinse out the shampoo.

"Close your eyes so you don't get soap in them." "Like this mommy?" she asked , her eyes clenched so tight, and she had this big cheese on her face, I couldn't help but laugh.  She could always make me laugh.

As I rinsed out her hair, gobs of it just fell into my hands! I was losing my breath-she was LOSING HER HAIR! I was shaking, my eyes were filled with tears, her eyes were still closed ever so tightly. I immediately flashed back to a conversation I was having with a nurse who had said how surprised she was that Sydney still had all of her hair after about a month of "chemo".  How could she have said that!? She jinxed my baby, my sweet, innocent Sydney.

I wanted to go back in time and slap her for being so inconsiderate but I couldn't very well do that, now could I? "Focus, Michelle, focus! Don't you dare cry" I told myself. "All done Sweety, now lets get you dressed." Sydney says "And then we're goin to "Wallymart", huh Mommy?" "Of course we are" I reassured her. I was in shock my baby just went from having a full head of hair, to having no signs that hair was ever there! Now Sydney made no mention of the change, it was almost like she knew it was going to happen. I on the other hand was like a raging bull, plowing through every room, opening draws and slamming doors..."WHERE ARE THEY?!" I would occasionally yell out. Sydney was sitting calmly eating her favorite food , sliced hot dogs placed in a smiley face formation, watching her favorite movie...The Little Mermaid. "I found them! " I yelled "I found them!" sounding somewhat like the doctor that created Frankenstein, I began to laugh hysterically as I ran in the bathroom and shut the door , this time quietly. I took a quick glance in the mirror, my face was red...my eyes appeared bigger than before and glossy . I parted my hair straight down the middle , pulling one side up high I grabbed the scissors and began my own revolution. At first the scissors tried to rebel, they knew that I purposely had grown my hair to the center of my back,...or they were just dull as all get out.  Either way there was no turning back, just like there was no way to change the fact that Sydney had been diagnosed with Leukemia at the tender age of 2 .

At this point the last of the dark brown curls fell to the floor like the pedals from a dying bouquet . I took a moment to really look at what i had done , not that it really mattered what it looked like , because what mattered most was that Sydney wouldn't be in battle alone . THE END